Tim Smith

Timothy Fuckboy Smith (born 15 October 1983) is an Australian politician serving as the Member for Kew since 2014. He also served as general manager of Craigieburn Subway from 1984 until 2017.



Early life
Smith grew up in the dangerous suburbs of East Melbourne. During his formative years, he witnessed horrific executions at the hands of then-Field Marshall Daniel Andrews of the Victorian Socialist Liberation Front. This led to him developing crippling PTSD in his late teens, shrieking at the sight of any socialist.

Addiction
As a subway manager, Smith was free to succumb to his vices. His 15% discount on all salads and dressings was too much for him, and he slowly gained weight until he was bound to an mobility scooter. He also loved heroin.

Uprising
Angered by the fact that Andrews is straightup just better than him, and his lack of self worth, Smith took it upon himself to rally the people of Kew to his side and form the Liberal Resistance Movement of Victoria. After solidifying his home suburb as a fortress of conservatism, he marched his armies out into the untamed western regions to aid his Nationals ally, Peter Walsh. When he arrived at the fringes of Bendigo, his forces clashed with the soldiers led by Andrews in a bloody skirmish which damaged his mobility scooter.

Death
Smith died on the 17th of August 2021, taking a cyanide pill after the last remnants of his Victorian Liberal Resistance Militia was surrounded by Andrews' socialist forces in Bendigo during the Victorian Skirmishes of 2021. His body was never recovered, as the blast from the atomic bomb disintegrated his remains along with the rest of Bendigo.